Speak of Her No More

Why does everyone has to speak of her again?

I'm through with giving my heart to her and put my mind to her for the next time.

I feel so stupid and lame for wasting my time and effort onto her non-existing love on me.

I'm just sad and disappoint on myself.

I just want to be loyal and love to only one and I'm not just like a bunch of ass holes who like to play around.

I'm serious in love life! X(

It has been almost a year and I want to get over it once and for all.

It's sad to say that it's impossible to forget or throw those particular memories away.

Don't you get it?

I only do this to show others that I can be attached to one, not letting go until I was given up by her.

Then I can slowly go away from there.

Yes. I'm one of the kind who love to stay and tag alone other's life.

But it's not without reasons and such.

You can't see me writing poem for any lady unless she's deeply planted inside my mind and inspiration. 

You can't see me dedicating myself to everyone seriously and speak of her always unless my heart is  strongly bonded to her. 


You can't see me flirting around with every other girls that I know of unless I'm seriously interested in her. 


You can't see me in love with any girls so much that I'm willing to change myself for the best for her, not until I'm confident enough to let her roam into my world.  

No, you can't. Even I can't see that myself.

For me, it's serious to be in love...

Because for me it's a life time bet.

There's no one else can replace my heart and so does replacing my attention of someone.

Not even any people can introduce any random girls for me and expect me to fall in love with her easily when I'm preserving myself for someone I really like.

It's not that simple, I tell you. It's not!

I want to cry out so much but I just can't... just can't... it's not that easy for me.

I'm emotional and yet I can't cry out loud.

Do you know how bad does this feel?

Even my tears are holding themselves right now and my blog and thoughts can't force them out!

Argghhh....!

For now I'm going to be harsh on myself and say that "TMD, I've waited for her for more than 10 years and now she tells me that she doesn't know how to reject me. What have I being doing for all these years?"

That's why I feel so dumb and later give up on her.

For all these time, it's not that I don't want to show... I just don't want to talk too much about her.

Just to let you all know that enough is enough.

She's out of my world for better or worst and I might as well go on with it.

Random Thoughts

I felt so empty today. Just so... sien.

It's in my blood, my thoughts, in my soul, in my birth, or in my fate.

It's one of those days that my emotions and wants go random and mix all together.

I don't know what I'm suppose to do!

Want to scream? Want to rage? Want to die? Want to laugh? Want to sleep for eternity?

I don't know what I should say or reply.

Or just want to do something for others? Or just by myself.

For all these years I've being living, I always want to prove myself for others. All good and less on the inside.

I don't want to be good all the time... I don't want to be a nice guy sometimes.

It's pointless for being good all the time.

Others like it, I like it... but not always.

I like to show my other side... sometimes... randomly.

I always fond of Vampires... they are dark sorcerers with gentle attitude and seducing charm.

That's I want to be. No matter Edward Cullen or Barnabas Collins, they are not only great actors... their cool character, calm behavior did affect my other side.

For the real me, I like being cool and less talkative, charming and seducing. No matter how I look, I just want to be the man girls like.

I don't know why... I just want to.

Let's say I got the look of a cute guy, then I'll be in a lot of trouble.

Well, it's loyalty that I'm into now. My mind just say so. Because I met someone.

It's hard to be a good guy with all these courting abilities... I'm just feel useless and lonely.

Not that I'm good at it... wow... that's negative... saying to myself.

I don't know why I write these... it's just my random thoughts.

I'm just being random at typing.

I need someone to strike at my weak point... mentally not physically, mind you. Please ask me anything, or talk to me TAT