Thursday, July 19, 2012

希望这一切只是个玩笑

她说她喜上我朋友,只因为一个"喜欢他"的理由来做结束。

当时我不知道要生气还是悲哀,因为她可以选择一个条件比我差的人。 

一直到今天,我还是气在头上,同时心里难受。

当初你可以羡慕别人找到像我这样的男生。

可是这次却选择那样的人。

至少比较有standard的嘛。

如果他可以像我对她这样好,我还可以默默的接受。 

可是我对那家伙没有信心,毕竟我们都懂他的"款"。

现在去槟城的日子一天比一天接近,现在我不知道如何去面对这天的到来。

好像去着没有什么意识了。

本来要准备些小小的surprise给她,结果现在也没心情了。

算了,钱都花了,不去白不去。

现在还抱着希望这一切只是个玩笑,过去会收到好的惊喜。 

如果是她红色炸弹,我也不会祝福他们的。

因为这是不可能的事! 

'柯景腾说,当你真正喜欢一个女孩的时候,看到她跟其他人结婚肯定不会完全真心祝福啊,这才是真爱。'
<<那些年,我们一起追的女孩>>

Monday, July 16, 2012

"Feelings" Over "Qualities"

"No matter how good you are, what qualities you hold, you will always lose to others when the person you choose doesn't have the right amount of feelings for you"

Not like in the old days that one have good qualities in oneself, and you are bound to get the other half you want, not like our parents' days.

Things have changed.

People nowadays are depending on "Feelings" now.

For all these years, no matter how I improve myself, I will always lose to the thing called "Feeling".

No Feel, no Deal.

Isn't it?

It's always that thing.

My parents want me to study hard, earn more in the future.

I was always wondering: "For what?"

Until things changed when I say to myself that I'm improving myself so that I can get my dream girl easier and can treat her better in the future.

That's all I've been working for my whole life.

Honestly said, I won't be having these skills, this knowledge, this attitude if aren't for the purpose of 'LOVE'.

"Feeling" is the thing that I can't master very well.

"Feeling" is the thing that I can only produce when I see where she has the qualities that I wanted.

"Feeling" is the thing that I take months and years to develop.

"Feeling" is the thing that I'm working for, all these years.

Not for myself, but for others.

I've learned to listen, to protect, to respect, to love and care, to cook, to not smoking, not getting drunk, to help others, to be humorous, to be happy, to praise, to be gentle, to be wise, to be cool, to have good intentions,to be myself...

All the things that girls wanted.

I've always wanted to serve my love better just to learn these.

All the answer I got is either "You deserve someone better" or "I'm not good for you".

Seriously?

I'm giving myself willingly, and it's up to you to accept it.

And yet I lost to the thing called "Feeling" that got myself rejected.




I've always searching for the girl that gives me the feeling of loyal, respect, trustworthy, smart and pure, as in protecting herself, her body until she's married to her husband.

Yes, I only look for virgins no matter what.

"If you can't take care of your virginity, you don't have the rights to have the other half that keep one's virginity to you." (Only applied to premarital sex)

I have principles for myself and I hope this applies to my other half.

That's the hardest part to do when people have "Feelings" to others nowadays.

There's too much premarital sex for couples in this era.

That's why I'm desperate.

No matter how good I treat the girls, I always lose to "Feelings".

And this is not the first time.




"Feeling" is not a physical , concrete thing, and yet it disrupts logical thinking mind.

It's a thing that keeps you half awake, loving someone that doesn't have the qualities you like and yet you still love him or her.

It's hard for me to decide whether I should go on like a "Walking Dead"...

Or leaving this planet.





I would like to blame God for my love life, but he has given me so much that I'll swallow the 'blame' myself.

I will have the guilt hanging on me for the rest of my life if I keep on blaming others.

The only thing I really wanted to know is who to focus and who to devote myself to (apart from God of course).

Or is it true that I have to wait for the next wave?

I'm not a romantic guy, so it's hard for me to do it regularly >_<

The question is "who" is the one?

Thursday, July 5, 2012

I'm Yours


Every time I heard this song from the radio, it always bring back the memories....

This song is not only calm, charming, lovable... but also contains my memories, my cool, and my previous life in Swinburne Sarawak.

The flash backs and the feels all come back together in my mind, my skin, my temperature.

It all started when my first trip after so long not stepping on Kuching grounds, when Hitz.fm is yet my favorite radio station. 


By that time the weather is cool, with no radio in the twin sharing room in Swinburne hostel. 


So I took my external speakers and plug them into my Nokia 5310 3.5mm phone jack, acting as my radio receiver. 


The most frequent song being repeated is Jason Mraz's 'I'm Yours'. 


It's afternoon, it's cool, it's calm, it's quiet. 


Along in the day, doing my stuff with my roomate ran out. 


Ahh... the feel is still here. 


It calms my mind, while feeling a bit light headed... like no worries. 


Or a bit in love~ <3 


At the same time, feeling freedom from stressful things. 


It's like cool summer when everyone is enjoying their day doing their stuff while chilling out with friends. 


Yeah... it's also freedom for me... from my parents of course. 


This song reminds me how my day passes without any frustration, messy room. 


Adding a bit musty wood smell, clean and chilling floor, while the fan blows over my hair. 


Not even my complicated future. 


It's all simple and easy going. 


Like enjoying the long holiday in slippers and shorts. 


The only way to enjoy those moments is to listen to this song... 


Now this song also acts as my reminder... that 'I'm Yours' for now =)

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Heard Them Kissing

Envy nya~ Over heard my house mate smooching with her new boy friend in front of the main door >~<

Well... I can say I'm a bit jealous of them cause now I have to pass my duty for him to watch after my house mate liao.

After she had a heart break from her previous relationship, I had to watch over her cause I know she's very lonely at times and doesn't have many friends around in Kuching.

I watch over her like my sister (which I wish I have one), but sometimes my heart doesn't feel like it.

The reason why I didn't choose over her because I'm afraid of her sometimes.

She can be cute most of the times, but her attitudes give me headaches.

Not to mention her temper.

I just don't know what to do with her.

For the long run, I prefer not to go to this road.

Some say I'm maybe stupid, some say I make the right choice.

Then I made my choice with no regrets.

It's not good to go for easy prey cause you may regret for the rest of your life.

Like most men, who doesn't like their precious belongings with somebody else... even it doesn't belong to them anymore.

So be wary of not showing too much intimacy in front of their ex, or invisible war might just come by without notice.

I'm not afraid to show this page to everyone because I want to let people know what I'm thinking.

It's better to let my thoughts out than to keep them caged till the end of my life.

I want to remember my life stories and those I once liked, so to remind myself what I have done for all these years.

And how I'm willing to dedicate for those around me.

It's a good thing to know and feel your love towards others before you contribute yourself to your one and only in the end.

Everyone has the rights to love even though it's one sided love which doesn't gain anything but sadness and wasted hopes.

Until one day, when you can be loved and give your love to your another half...