Monday, October 8, 2012

8月16号

今天是拜六 (29/09/2012)… 

这里冷清清,没有什么人…


居然这么闲空,就说说我们的爱情故事吧!=D

不知不觉我们已经开始一个多月了,现在才正式记录在我的部落格日记本。

这么没有心喔?哈哈… XD

最近比较忙着赚钱,多余的时间不然就是给我的女朋友,不然就是我自己的。

由于下个月没有什么零用钱,所以这个月能做多少就做多少咯~

话说回来,我们其实才认识了几个月,通过我的housemate。

我们的遇见很简单,只是偶然。

没有什么特别,有点陌生。

不过久而久之,就变得好聊了 =)

我们故事开始是有些远,当时我正在坐着快艇回去诗巫渡假,而她却在古晋打工。

我们在船上,就在拉宽我们的距离的快艇里,SMS了起来。

聊得蛮愉快下=P

要谢谢前几天我们被另外一对鸳鸯放水,本来说好要一起去古晋节的。

当时就变成我跟她独自去那里玩了。

那天晚上我们买好些零食,就坐在公园的长凳上讲了一个晚上的故事。

还差点回不了家呢!

因为那天我把她的车停在MBKS游泳池的parking位,我们回去时是11点了,还以为那里的大门锁了,车出不了 ><

又拉回我回去诗巫的那个晚上,我们说着说着,我突然就问了她那个关键的问题…

"反正我的心房也是空着,要不要搬进来住住看?XD"

结果我们就在8月16号早上,没有面对面的情景下开始我的第一春X)

有的人可能觉得我很花心,刚刚在告白上失败不久,这样快就来第二个喔?

如果她人好,又聊得来,又是我的type,为何还要等呢?

她值得我去欣赏,去爱慕,去关心,去爱护就够了,没有必要多余的条件。

因为我自己的条件也不是很完美 =P



Monday, September 3, 2012

给老妈的话

这个月真的是来得不容易啊。

我老妈不知道发什么疯,突然跟我讲要cut掉我的allowance,只给我房租的钱,没有生活费。

一切都讲好了,突然又转变注意说不要给我一个月的生活费喔?

我还好心帮我妈用我的debit卡还东还西,这样到时她可以一次把钱转给我。

可是我的钱都帮你出到七七八八了,现在的情况不是很好,要我临时自己啃?

这不是开玩笑的啊!

我正在找着工,等他们的reply,现在学校又要等到10月才有请人。

我现在在到处找临工,可是没有人要请只有做一两个月的,现在难上加难。




不要因为我才交到女朋友就认为我在用你的钱来养人家!

人家还是有工作,有钱可以自己花的女生,有必要靠我吗?

我是因为看到她是位好女生,能迁就我,能谦虚的对待人家,会懂得商量,会懂得打算,会努力去打拼。

你还说做朋友先比较好?

我们都认识好几个月了,都当情侣了,难道你要我突然跟人家分手啊?

那你当人家是什么啊?

难道你儿子是绝情的动物吗?

要我随便分就分吗?

你当人家是玩具吗?

我在情场上已经失败了很多次,开始对爱情绝望了,想孤独一辈子了,突然有女生要我,你应该感到开心才对。

她要我都已经给足我面子了,我又何必要求多多,又要玩弄人家的感情呢?

上帝都已经把她赐给我了,难道你要把上帝的祝福当透明的吗?

祝福我,这样我也可以教导她,带领她祝福你们俩老辈。




我都是在靠赚外快才有多余的钱用,你还以为我可以单单靠你的300块来用在多余的开销喔?

如果这次你玩绝点那我也不用客气了,也不用对你而外的好了,只做儿子的本分,其他我就不用多加给你!

我对你所做的都是出于真心,是因为我觉得我欠你,应该要对你而外的好,不单单是母子,而是朋友一样。

我就尽量顺服你的话去做,没有跟你计较多。

可是你如果一时就这样特地做了离谱的决定,我也没有必要往回太多。

别忘记,当年我还在Form 3,你的车乱停在路旁,让我呆在车里,被别人退车时轻轻的撞到,没有发现到,我还诚实的告诉你,你还赖我说是我的错。

当时我又不会驾车,我又不能跟那位司机辩论,我又能怎样?

我拿了几年的时间来原谅你,以为你会好好想想你的过错。

我都学了怎样原谅与悔改,难道你还要用回以前的过错来重复历史吗?

老妈,我只要求一个月的时间,加上我都答应你,如果我到10月还是没有找到工作我就回诗巫。

通常人家要用两三个月的时间来等到人家的答复,我就赌上一个月的时间来找。

我是要省时省力,不要在古晋搬来搬去。

现在这里房租又便宜,设备又齐全,地点又好。

我才毕业几天,你以为就能立刻找到全职工作啊?荒谬!

你还以为我喜欢呆在古晋一辈子喔?

诗巫没有我的发展机会,难到要让我为你们设好的计划白白的费了吗?

难道我活在这世上只是单单做个活死人吗?

没有盼望,打算,和好的未来吗?




我知道你舍不得你这个唯一的孩子,可是你要明白,我打算了要把我们隔壁家半独立买下来,是因为我想要你们可以和我一起住。

我打算找我要的跟资讯系有关的工作,好让我有了五年经验可以直接到澳洲做我要的工商资讯顾问。

这样我可以把那特别高的工钱,多余的来投资在产业上,以后可以早点退休,来陪你们过晚年。

我知道你是我的唯一的一位母亲,我能做的就做好好的给你,能给的就给你。

因为是时候我报答你们了。

虽然我做的不是很多,可是我希望我可以用我自己的方式来回报你们老人家。

是时候放松你的手,让我做我的工作,这样我可以寻找机会报答你们,快快的到时回到你们身边,好好照顾你们。

有时如果我不绝情一点,你就不知道你自己到底做错了什么。。。



Wednesday, August 15, 2012

寻找灵感的槟城之旅

出门前一天生病,回到古晋又生病。哇靠。。。

第一次踏出砂劳越的心情是有点不好受,因为达不到我起初的目的。

不过整个过程还算不错,只是parking位几难找下(>_<)

整体上槟城的风景蛮漂亮,当地人蛮大方下。

尤其是她。

真的是要谢谢她抽些时间陪我和我的家人到处逛逛,带我们去吃些我们没吃过的东西。

虽然不是很适合我们的胃口,可是我还是高兴我尝试过槟城laksa,curry mee,果条汤,pok pia加汤,bak kut teh,蚝煎,rojak,chendul 。。。

大部分都是辣的,吃到。。。爽!XP

也到了许多地方:她的Convent小学,Convent中学,TAR College,她的老家,Ayer Itam,Batu Ferringgi等等。



印象中最深刻的是第二天包taxi去的槟城蝴蝶园。

风景名胜果然不让人失望,蝴蝶多到不行。一定要到的地方。

它的院子虽小,可是里面该有的就有:花,蝶,水,蜥蜴,昆虫,鸳鸯。

各个都有它的美丽。这里的风景真的是让我暂时抛掉一切烦恼。

好想在那儿多待些,可是时间有限。。。

接下来到槟城的玩具博物馆,玩具很多,可是没有我要看的玩具系列。

过后taxi佬就带我们去看看茶叶商家,买了6盒奶茶,送1盒。

然后就到了QueensBay购物中心,除了吃,只有在那里笨笨的绕到了3小时。

后来搭巴士回到酒店。

第三天就去了附近的商场走走。

Prangin Mall,Komtar,和1st Avenue。

走到5个小时,结果也没有买到什么。

不是没有钱买,是不知道要买什么好 -3-

第四天,她就带我一家人绕槟城的出色地点。

最后我们也来得及去‘明香‘买了些土产。

可惜的是没有买多点它的肉丝饼,便宜又好吃!



槟城是个不错去的小地方,大至上没有什么特别的东西。

只是游山玩水和购物的好去处。

吃的还okay,最主要要会吃辣才爽快!

这次的旅程虽然对我说有点‘酸甜苦辣‘(吃人家的醋,甜蜜的回忆,生病的苦头,辣辣的槟城laksa),不过这些将成为我记忆中一小部分的历史。

虽然她已经心有所属,我再等待也尽可能是白等一场。

还是那家伙的嘴巴比较甜,这点我认输了。

其实现在还是做回好朋友比较妥当些。

再次提醒自己有时勉强也不是幸福的。

起码现在暂时不用再烦恼怎样要陪着她的身边,毕竟她在西,我在东。

我也不忍心把她和她的好姐姐们,和疼爱她的妈妈分开。

还有他那位超可爱的侄子X3

看到她们一家人多么的和蔼可亲,把她们拉开真的是舍不得啊。。。

也不用想太多关于远距离的复杂关系。

暂时抛开这些犹豫和问题。。。

是时候放下心来面对现在的处境,然后再来打算将来的挑战。

不要把未来看不到的,摸不着的烦恼统统挑在身上。

是时候放下这颗心中大石。

可能我们还有那么的一丝丝希望,不过我想现在太渺茫,有点太早去面对这童话故事的结局。

是时候拿起社会的重担,把事业先搞好些再说吧!=)

It's time to get over it and move on...


Tuesday, August 7, 2012

好胜的心理

我发现到我的好胜心越来越重了。

再这样下去迟早真的会把我害惨。

自从来到了大学,我喜欢跟别人比较的性格渐渐变成了一个习惯。

尤其是那些成绩比我差的人,我就把自己设定一个,不可输在他们手上念头。

其实比上不足,也要比下有余。

如果我败在成绩比我差的人,我就开始检讨我自己,用理由来弥补我的失望和悔恨。

毕竟这也成了我得奋斗的精神。

可是在情场上却输给了那条件比我还差家伙。

的却是有些不甘心,到了今天还是有些怀恨在心。

一直寻找着答案和询问别人对感情的意见。

在这样下去,我真的会把我自己逼到谷底。

我到底是要原谅我自己,还是要改变我的观念阿?

到底真正的啊爱情对我是什么意义呢?

还有一点就是我该不该把自己的想法隐藏在心里,而不是放在部落格里面呢?

毕竟这里也是我的思考天地,没有写出来我会睡不着叻。。。

很会思考和东想西想的我,真的经常让我失眠和睡不够啊!>~<

到底是好,还是坏呀 =(












赢的时候就好像林丹的傲慢,输的时候就好比李宗伟的哭泣。












只是不想在别人面前显现出来罢了。。。

Thursday, July 19, 2012

希望这一切只是个玩笑

她说她喜上我朋友,只因为一个"喜欢他"的理由来做结束。

当时我不知道要生气还是悲哀,因为她可以选择一个条件比我差的人。 

一直到今天,我还是气在头上,同时心里难受。

当初你可以羡慕别人找到像我这样的男生。

可是这次却选择那样的人。

至少比较有standard的嘛。

如果他可以像我对她这样好,我还可以默默的接受。 

可是我对那家伙没有信心,毕竟我们都懂他的"款"。

现在去槟城的日子一天比一天接近,现在我不知道如何去面对这天的到来。

好像去着没有什么意识了。

本来要准备些小小的surprise给她,结果现在也没心情了。

算了,钱都花了,不去白不去。

现在还抱着希望这一切只是个玩笑,过去会收到好的惊喜。 

如果是她红色炸弹,我也不会祝福他们的。

因为这是不可能的事! 

'柯景腾说,当你真正喜欢一个女孩的时候,看到她跟其他人结婚肯定不会完全真心祝福啊,这才是真爱。'
<<那些年,我们一起追的女孩>>

Monday, July 16, 2012

"Feelings" Over "Qualities"

"No matter how good you are, what qualities you hold, you will always lose to others when the person you choose doesn't have the right amount of feelings for you"

Not like in the old days that one have good qualities in oneself, and you are bound to get the other half you want, not like our parents' days.

Things have changed.

People nowadays are depending on "Feelings" now.

For all these years, no matter how I improve myself, I will always lose to the thing called "Feeling".

No Feel, no Deal.

Isn't it?

It's always that thing.

My parents want me to study hard, earn more in the future.

I was always wondering: "For what?"

Until things changed when I say to myself that I'm improving myself so that I can get my dream girl easier and can treat her better in the future.

That's all I've been working for my whole life.

Honestly said, I won't be having these skills, this knowledge, this attitude if aren't for the purpose of 'LOVE'.

"Feeling" is the thing that I can't master very well.

"Feeling" is the thing that I can only produce when I see where she has the qualities that I wanted.

"Feeling" is the thing that I take months and years to develop.

"Feeling" is the thing that I'm working for, all these years.

Not for myself, but for others.

I've learned to listen, to protect, to respect, to love and care, to cook, to not smoking, not getting drunk, to help others, to be humorous, to be happy, to praise, to be gentle, to be wise, to be cool, to have good intentions,to be myself...

All the things that girls wanted.

I've always wanted to serve my love better just to learn these.

All the answer I got is either "You deserve someone better" or "I'm not good for you".

Seriously?

I'm giving myself willingly, and it's up to you to accept it.

And yet I lost to the thing called "Feeling" that got myself rejected.




I've always searching for the girl that gives me the feeling of loyal, respect, trustworthy, smart and pure, as in protecting herself, her body until she's married to her husband.

Yes, I only look for virgins no matter what.

"If you can't take care of your virginity, you don't have the rights to have the other half that keep one's virginity to you." (Only applied to premarital sex)

I have principles for myself and I hope this applies to my other half.

That's the hardest part to do when people have "Feelings" to others nowadays.

There's too much premarital sex for couples in this era.

That's why I'm desperate.

No matter how good I treat the girls, I always lose to "Feelings".

And this is not the first time.




"Feeling" is not a physical , concrete thing, and yet it disrupts logical thinking mind.

It's a thing that keeps you half awake, loving someone that doesn't have the qualities you like and yet you still love him or her.

It's hard for me to decide whether I should go on like a "Walking Dead"...

Or leaving this planet.





I would like to blame God for my love life, but he has given me so much that I'll swallow the 'blame' myself.

I will have the guilt hanging on me for the rest of my life if I keep on blaming others.

The only thing I really wanted to know is who to focus and who to devote myself to (apart from God of course).

Or is it true that I have to wait for the next wave?

I'm not a romantic guy, so it's hard for me to do it regularly >_<

The question is "who" is the one?

Thursday, July 5, 2012

I'm Yours


Every time I heard this song from the radio, it always bring back the memories....

This song is not only calm, charming, lovable... but also contains my memories, my cool, and my previous life in Swinburne Sarawak.

The flash backs and the feels all come back together in my mind, my skin, my temperature.

It all started when my first trip after so long not stepping on Kuching grounds, when Hitz.fm is yet my favorite radio station. 


By that time the weather is cool, with no radio in the twin sharing room in Swinburne hostel. 


So I took my external speakers and plug them into my Nokia 5310 3.5mm phone jack, acting as my radio receiver. 


The most frequent song being repeated is Jason Mraz's 'I'm Yours'. 


It's afternoon, it's cool, it's calm, it's quiet. 


Along in the day, doing my stuff with my roomate ran out. 


Ahh... the feel is still here. 


It calms my mind, while feeling a bit light headed... like no worries. 


Or a bit in love~ <3 


At the same time, feeling freedom from stressful things. 


It's like cool summer when everyone is enjoying their day doing their stuff while chilling out with friends. 


Yeah... it's also freedom for me... from my parents of course. 


This song reminds me how my day passes without any frustration, messy room. 


Adding a bit musty wood smell, clean and chilling floor, while the fan blows over my hair. 


Not even my complicated future. 


It's all simple and easy going. 


Like enjoying the long holiday in slippers and shorts. 


The only way to enjoy those moments is to listen to this song... 


Now this song also acts as my reminder... that 'I'm Yours' for now =)

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Heard Them Kissing

Envy nya~ Over heard my house mate smooching with her new boy friend in front of the main door >~<

Well... I can say I'm a bit jealous of them cause now I have to pass my duty for him to watch after my house mate liao.

After she had a heart break from her previous relationship, I had to watch over her cause I know she's very lonely at times and doesn't have many friends around in Kuching.

I watch over her like my sister (which I wish I have one), but sometimes my heart doesn't feel like it.

The reason why I didn't choose over her because I'm afraid of her sometimes.

She can be cute most of the times, but her attitudes give me headaches.

Not to mention her temper.

I just don't know what to do with her.

For the long run, I prefer not to go to this road.

Some say I'm maybe stupid, some say I make the right choice.

Then I made my choice with no regrets.

It's not good to go for easy prey cause you may regret for the rest of your life.

Like most men, who doesn't like their precious belongings with somebody else... even it doesn't belong to them anymore.

So be wary of not showing too much intimacy in front of their ex, or invisible war might just come by without notice.

I'm not afraid to show this page to everyone because I want to let people know what I'm thinking.

It's better to let my thoughts out than to keep them caged till the end of my life.

I want to remember my life stories and those I once liked, so to remind myself what I have done for all these years.

And how I'm willing to dedicate for those around me.

It's a good thing to know and feel your love towards others before you contribute yourself to your one and only in the end.

Everyone has the rights to love even though it's one sided love which doesn't gain anything but sadness and wasted hopes.

Until one day, when you can be loved and give your love to your another half...



Friday, June 22, 2012

Speak of Her No More

Why does everyone has to speak of her again?

I'm through with giving my heart to her and put my mind to her for the next time.

I feel so stupid and lame for wasting my time and effort onto her non-existing love on me.

I'm just sad and disappoint on myself.

I just want to be loyal and love to only one and I'm not just like a bunch of ass holes who like to play around.

I'm serious in love life! X(

It has been almost a year and I want to get over it once and for all.

It's sad to say that it's impossible to forget or throw those particular memories away.

Don't you get it?

I only do this to show others that I can be attached to one, not letting go until I was given up by her.

Then I can slowly go away from there.

Yes. I'm one of the kind who love to stay and tag alone other's life.

But it's not without reasons and such.

You can't see me writing poem for any lady unless she's deeply planted inside my mind and inspiration. 

You can't see me dedicating myself to everyone seriously and speak of her always unless my heart is  strongly bonded to her. 


You can't see me flirting around with every other girls that I know of unless I'm seriously interested in her. 


You can't see me in love with any girls so much that I'm willing to change myself for the best for her, not until I'm confident enough to let her roam into my world.  

No, you can't. Even I can't see that myself.

For me, it's serious to be in love...

Because for me it's a life time bet.

There's no one else can replace my heart and so does replacing my attention of someone.

Not even any people can introduce any random girls for me and expect me to fall in love with her easily when I'm preserving myself for someone I really like.

It's not that simple, I tell you. It's not!

I want to cry out so much but I just can't... just can't... it's not that easy for me.

I'm emotional and yet I can't cry out loud.

Do you know how bad does this feel?

Even my tears are holding themselves right now and my blog and thoughts can't force them out!

Argghhh....!

For now I'm going to be harsh on myself and say that "TMD, I've waited for her for more than 10 years and now she tells me that she doesn't know how to reject me. What have I being doing for all these years?"

That's why I feel so dumb and later give up on her.

For all these time, it's not that I don't want to show... I just don't want to talk too much about her.

Just to let you all know that enough is enough.

She's out of my world for better or worst and I might as well go on with it.


Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Random Thoughts

I felt so empty today. Just so... sien.

It's in my blood, my thoughts, in my soul, in my birth, or in my fate.

It's one of those days that my emotions and wants go random and mix all together.

I don't know what I'm suppose to do!

Want to scream? Want to rage? Want to die? Want to laugh? Want to sleep for eternity?

I don't know what I should say or reply.

Or just want to do something for others? Or just by myself.

For all these years I've being living, I always want to prove myself for others. All good and less on the inside.

I don't want to be good all the time... I don't want to be a nice guy sometimes.

It's pointless for being good all the time.

Others like it, I like it... but not always.

I like to show my other side... sometimes... randomly.

I always fond of Vampires... they are dark sorcerers with gentle attitude and seducing charm.

That's I want to be. No matter Edward Cullen or Barnabas Collins, they are not only great actors... their cool character, calm behavior did affect my other side.

For the real me, I like being cool and less talkative, charming and seducing. No matter how I look, I just want to be the man girls like.

I don't know why... I just want to.

Let's say I got the look of a cute guy, then I'll be in a lot of trouble.

Well, it's loyalty that I'm into now. My mind just say so. Because I met someone.

It's hard to be a good guy with all these courting abilities... I'm just feel useless and lonely.

Not that I'm good at it... wow... that's negative... saying to myself.

I don't know why I write these... it's just my random thoughts.

I'm just being random at typing.


I need someone to strike at my weak point... mentally not physically, mind you. Please ask me anything, or talk to me TAT

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Restless 1st Semester in 2012

Finally~ I'm able to finish my exams on the last day of the 2 weeks battle~

Even though I haven't slept for more than 24 hours, I still cannot sleep due to all the excitements and the adrenaline rush inside me! X3


Today is the first time I can tune up my laptop with music in the almost-empty library at night. I only managed to stroll around and read a free copy of 'The Star' newspaper... while looking for wild spirits roaming around

Maybe after all these exam crap, I can definitely rest for a long time before the next incoming Winter Semester on June, 18th.

I'm currently in PC lab with my housemate and I just can't stop playing games and reading Facebook posts all the way.

I'm still getting used to the new blogspot page for editing and creating new posts though... even though this is my second post with it.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Happy 520


Happy 520 <3

From Kuching to Penang =3

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

做朋友

我突然又看回“下一站,幸福”的其中一个短片。。。

眼睛酸酸的感觉好难受,哭不出来的感觉真的好难受。。。

自从那次之后,发觉到,痴痴的等待不一定是好事。

等待不一定会得到,‘做朋友’这个字变成了一个人的依靠。

起初有了它是个好的开始,后来用的时候那杀伤力是多么的强。

以前每个人都说我是个痴情的男人,可是没有人跟我说痴情的路坑,障碍。

傻瓜,笨蛋只会慢慢的等待他的爱人,其实她不看上你就定了这个感情的生死。

我其实对爱情已经死了这条心,没有了这个信心去追求这个感情路线,对它忽冷忽热。

从百分百的信心,到了五十,什么时候到十,九,八,七,六,五。。。

一直到有人愿意给我个机会。

我认定,我的名字变成了我的阻碍。

我一直以来有个天真的心隐藏在里面,以为这些年学到这一切会带给她将来的幸福。

往往想不到自己笨笨的傻下去。。。

我很想忘记我默默的付出这段独掌的感情,自己玩着自己的感情线,没有固定的未来。

没错,我没有行动,可是她知道我对她的感觉。

直到那一天。。。 我才知道。

有时我在想,难道我真的不配吗?

还是长得帅一点才是重点?

被伤害的时候,什么都是假的;谈恋爱的时候,石头都可以当饭吃。



‘我们还是做朋友’。。。这句话把你伤到什么程度了呢?