"No matter how good you are, what qualities you hold, you will always lose to others when the person you choose doesn't have the right amount of feelings for you"
Not like in the old days that one have good qualities in oneself, and you are bound to get the other half you want, not like our parents' days.
Things have changed.
People nowadays are depending on "Feelings" now.
For all these years, no matter how I improve myself, I will always lose to the thing called "Feeling".
No Feel, no Deal.
Isn't it?
It's always that thing.
My parents want me to study hard, earn more in the future.
I was always wondering: "For what?"
Until things changed when I say to myself that I'm improving myself so that I can get my dream girl easier and can treat her better in the future.
That's all I've been working for my whole life.
Honestly said, I won't be having these skills, this knowledge, this attitude if aren't for the purpose of 'LOVE'.
"Feeling" is the thing that I can't master very well.
"Feeling" is the thing that I can only produce when I see where she has the qualities that I wanted.
"Feeling" is the thing that I take months and years to develop.
"Feeling" is the thing that I'm working for, all these years.
Not for myself, but for others.
I've learned to listen, to protect, to respect, to love and care, to cook, to not smoking, not getting drunk, to help others, to be humorous, to be happy, to praise, to be gentle, to be wise, to be cool, to have good intentions,to be myself...
All the things that girls wanted.
I've always wanted to serve my love better just to learn these.
All the answer I got is either "You deserve someone better" or "I'm not good for you".
Seriously?
I'm giving myself willingly, and it's up to you to accept it.
And yet I lost to the thing called "Feeling" that got myself rejected.
I've always searching for the girl that gives me the feeling of loyal, respect, trustworthy, smart and pure, as in protecting herself, her body until she's married to her husband.
Yes, I only look for virgins no matter what.
"If you can't take care of your virginity, you don't have the rights to have the other half that keep one's virginity to you."
(Only applied to premarital sex)
I have principles for myself and I hope this applies to my other half.
That's the hardest part to do when people have "Feelings" to others nowadays.
There's too much premarital sex for couples in this era.
That's why I'm desperate.
No matter how good I treat the girls, I always lose to "Feelings".
And this is not the first time.
"Feeling" is not a physical , concrete thing, and yet it disrupts logical thinking mind.
It's a thing that keeps you half awake, loving someone that doesn't have the qualities you like and yet you still love him or her.
It's hard for me to decide whether I should go on like a "Walking Dead"...
Or leaving this planet.
I would like to blame God for my love life, but he has given me so much that I'll swallow the 'blame' myself.
I will have the guilt hanging on me for the rest of my life if I keep on blaming others.
The only thing I really wanted to know is who to focus and who to devote myself to (apart from God of course).
Or is it true that I have to wait for the next wave?
I'm not a romantic guy, so it's hard for me to do it regularly >_<
The question is "who" is the one?
