Worries

I'm thinking over what I have done...

...That I'm starting to change into a devil in the blog world...
...That I'm starting to hurt people's feelings...
...That I'm too emotional and start to get revenge in the blog world...
...That I'm doing stupid things in the blog world...
...That I'm messing other people's life...
...That I can't control my blogging's bad attitude...
...That I'm falling into blog world...
...That I'm turning into a childish blogger...
...That other people hate me for what I've wrote...
...That people gives bad impression to me in the real world...
...That I offended other people for my writings...

What have I done?!
I asked myself...
Is this my true self?
Is this my true form?
Is this what I really want?
Am I pretending to be good and polite in the real world?
Am I thinking too much?
What is my real objectives in my life?
Who am I for all these years?

Thanks for the people who read my blog, now I have to 'reset' myself.
I apologize for what I've done to you all, and hope for forgiveness...
I was over protecting myself and trying to fight back, but things won't end well like this.
It's like a war, leaving casualties and black memories.
Even the word 'Sorry' won't do any better.
Unless they are kind enough to forgive and forget all of this.

In the real world, I've always being bullied by people.
They mocked me, teased me, making fun of me, call me names, but still they are my friends.
That was years ago. I can't let go my tensions when I was very young. I don't know what to do and where to express myself. Until I meet the Blog World...

In my mind, I curse people, say bad things about them if they have done something I can't really forgive, but I'll eventually change my mind a few days later. I found out that it's hard change my words again after for what I wrote, and people will get offended and think that I'm a bad person. It takes time for me to think over something bad into positive. Sometimes I'm angry with things, but I'll remind myself that things will get better over time, and you may find it funny and interesting when you recall them. I learn from the negatives and dull experiences, nothing will be more valuable than these.